I’ve lost 2 children under 2 very different circumstances. A 2-year-old to leukemia and a 29-year-old to a drug overdose. So many of the issues I experienced after the death of my son to overdose were not there with my 2 year old daughter. I never wondered if I’d done enough? Done too much? Made life too easy on him? Made life too hard on him? Was it my fault because his dad and I divorced when he was 7? Should I have taken his car away after his first arrest? Should I have paid for the lawyers? Should I have kicked him out sooner? Should I have let him stay longer?

I haven’t lost a child to suicide, but I can imagine that some of the same thoughts run through your head, especially if your child suffered from mental health issues. Those are all things parents who lose a child to an illness or accident probably (depending upon the circumstances) don’t have to deal with.

That doesn’t make one worse than the other, it just makes them different.

And then there’s the social stigma of losing a child to overdose or suicide. I even had someone ask me if they could tell people how Rob died. In dismay I answered, “Yes. That’s how he died.” If you’re not comfortable with the way your child died, I really want to work with you. I cannot imagine not only dealing with the loss of your child, but on top of that, feeling like you can’t be totally honest about how it all happened.

My son was an addict for 7 years. He had 12 felonies. He went to jail 4 times. He went to rehab 3 times. He failed plenty of drug tests. He lied to us. He stole from us. He robbed me of more hours of sleep than I will ever be able to count!

He also loved to fish. He, in fact, loved animals of all kinds. His favorite place on the planet was on the coast of Maine. He was passionate about tennis. He had a 142 MPH hour serve (that’s as hard as some pros if you’re not familiar with tennis.) He never missed an Arkansas Razorback tennis match. He loved coaching tennis and was always at his best on the court. He started a pest control business and was obsessed with bugs. He was a fantastic gift giver and was one of the most thoughtful people you’d ever meet.

He just had a problem with drugs that he could never beat. That doesn’t make him a bad person. It doesn’t make me a failure as a mom. It doesn’t mean our family was broken. It just means Rob was addicted to drugs and that’s what killed him. Period.

I just want you to know, that although our stories will be different, in some ways, I’ve walked a parallel path. I get it. When I say I’ve been there, I’ve really and truly been there.

If you’ve tried other things and they didn’t work. Don’t give up. Going from being a ‘Happiness Speaker’ to a place of such deep grief and despair - I felt lost. Confused. Shell shocked. My life’s work had been focusing on happiness and here I was not even able to get out of bed in the morning.

What I just want you to know is that this program works. It is the real deal. And I want you to know it would be my privilege to hold the space for you to find your peace, your healing. And be able, when you think of your child, to remember all the good stuff and the beautiful memories. And if someone asks how your child died, you can answer honestly, and then say but how he died doesn’t matter, what matters is how he lived, and let me tell you about that…..

I am here to help you.

Above is an except from me speaking at my son's Memorial Service. It’s just the very start, but it puts into words how deeply I feel that our children are not defined by their issues and the way they died. That’s only a small part of the story.